By Kelly Renz
When most people hear the word negotiation, they think about sales, contracts, compensation, or getting a deal done. That is why Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss is easy to categorize as a negotiation book. I think it is much more useful than that. At its core, the book is about understanding people, asking better questions, listening for what is not being said, and resisting the temptation to rush toward an answer simply because everyone wants the conversation to be over. Those are leadership skills, and they matter every day inside an executive team.
One of the ideas behind Never Split the Difference is right there in the title. Compromise can feel productive because everyone gives something up and the conversation moves forward. But meeting in the middle does not necessarily produce the right decision. I see a version of this with leadership teams all the time. Two executives have different perspectives. The conversation gets uncomfortable. Someone suggests a compromise. Everyone agrees because it feels reasonable, and the team moves on. But did they actually solve the issue?
Sometimes the disagreement was pointing to something important: a risk that had not been considered, an unclear priority, conflicting expectations, missing information, or a decision that nobody really wanted to own. The strongest executive teams don’t eliminate disagreement. They learn how to use it. Healthy conflict isn’t something to avoid. When there is trust in the room, it can be one of the most valuable tools a team has for making better decisions.
One of the most valuable lessons I took from Voss is the power of questions. Questions such as “What am I missing?” or “How would we make this work?” change the nature of a conversation. Instead of immediately defending a position, people have to stop and think. That distinction matters in business.
When I work with leadership teams at inVantage, I spend a lot of time asking questions. Not because I don’t have an opinion, but because giving someone an answer is often less valuable than helping them see something they haven’t seen yet. What is actually getting in the way? What happens if nothing changes? Why does this keep coming back? Who truly owns this decision? What would “done done” look like? The right question can expose more than another hour of discussion. Our role as Guides is not simply to tell leadership teams what to do. We help them examine the business differently, challenge assumptions, create clarity, and build the discipline to execute.
Voss also reinforces something experienced leaders sometimes forget: listening is not waiting for your opportunity to respond. There is information in hesitation. There is information in the question someone keeps avoiding. There is information when the same issue appears at three consecutive meetings but never gets resolved. Executive teams can become very good at talking around difficult subjects.
Maybe everyone knows a person is in the wrong role. Maybe a strategic priority isn’t working. Maybe two leaders disagree about who has decision authority. Maybe the CEO is still holding onto responsibilities the team needs to own. Those conversations are uncomfortable, but avoiding them doesn’t make the underlying issue disappear. It usually makes it more expensive. Healthy organizations create enough trust to put the real issue on the table.
This may be the biggest connection between Never Split the Difference and the work we do at inVantage. I don’t believe a healthy executive team needs to agree on everything. In fact, I become concerned when they do. I want leaders who are willing to challenge one another, bring different perspectives into the room, ask hard questions, and pressure-test important decisions. We look for leaders who are open-minded, curious, accountable, and comfortable with healthy conflict because those behaviors are essential to building a high-performing organization.
The goal isn’t agreement. The goal is alignment. Have we surfaced the important perspectives? Have we challenged our assumptions? Do we understand the tradeoffs? Has a clear decision been made? Does everyone know what happens next? And once we leave the room, are we committed to executing it? That is very different from simply meeting in the middle.
As you read Never Split the Difference, don’t limit its lessons to your next sales negotiation or contract discussion. Think about your executive team. Think about the conversations you’re having and, perhaps more importantly, the ones you’re not having. The next time your team reaches agreement quickly, ask yourself: Did we reach the best decision, or did we reach the easiest one?
Sometimes the most valuable thing a leader can do is stay curious long enough to find out.
